On the Lighter Side . . .

We have two grandchildren graduating high school this year--Jacob and Leighanne.  Congratulations to you two and to their parents!  That makes four total grandchildren graduated from high school. We have one already through college and working for a living and another in tech school right now.  That leaves two in high school, one in elementary and two toddlers. 

Now, just for laughs.  I wanted to share some of my favorite Jack Handy quotes.  Those of you who know me, know I have a warped sense of humor.  That's how I cope.

"If you lose your job, your marriage and your mind all in one week, try to lose your mind first, because then the other stuff won't matter that much."

"People need to realize that every time they talk about how 'fragile' our planet is, it's just like asking outer-space aliens to come invade us."

"I think it should be a law that if you ever get sucked up  into a tornado, whatever you can grab with your hands while you're swirling around up there, you get to keep."

"Instead of mousetraps, what about baby traps?  Not to harm the babies, but just to hold them down until they can be removed."

"We're all afraid of something.   Take my little nephew, for instance.  He's afraid of skeletons.  He thinks they live in closets and under beds, and at night they come out to get you when you're asleep.  And what am I afraid of?  Now, I'm afraid of skeletons."

"When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Ya-hoo!  We're rich!  But it turned out to be something different."

"When I saw the old bum pushing his grocery cart down the street, at first I felt sorry for him.  But then when I saw what was in his cart I thought, Well, no wonder you're a bum, look at the dumb things you bought."

"People were always talking about how mean this guy was who lived on our block.  But I decided to go see for myself.  I went to his door, but he said he wasn't the mean guy, the mean guy lived in that house over there.  "No, you stupid idiot," I said, "That's my house."

"In my next life I hope I come back as a parrot, because I already know quite a few words."

"I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway."

"I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you hide from it or not?"

finally . . .

 

 

"If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone's lip.  Even if they smash you, ick!, you're all over their lip!